indian charm

these photos tickle me.
i know that's a very weird phrase to use, but it's the only way i can describe how happy these next 4 pictures make me. they're a random bunch, especially put together, but i think i love them because they represent very peculiar parts of india that i'll miss when i go home. and really, really memorable moments...

the is raju, my friend sonia's little brother, on the bed laughing, and his friend/neighbor with the two doves. i was sitting at their place one day, and this boy just walks in with two doves on him. like it happens every day (oh wait, it does!). they're not even pets, but they might as well be--the boys have spent so much time with them, they're practically trained to do tricks. they were having a blast playing with them--but it made me cringe at moments (raju especially needs to be reminded that they're living creatures...not just paper airplanes). david, if you were in india as a 6 year old, i could definitely see you doing this...

ahhh--after thursday's weekly market in ramdarbar...i stocked up because having an indian woman with you cuts your prices down dramatically. ok, so check it: papaya, cucumbers, apples, green beans, mangoes (2 kinds), onions and pears. guess how much? 77 RUPEES!! (ahem, that is around $2 for everything you see on the table right here)

Mr. Narinder Singh, Guardian Angel of Tourists! Every morning I wait for the bus at a stop 5 minutes away from our house. And this particular morning, Mr. Singh rides up to the stop on his bicycle, hops off, and greets me warmly. Before I even know it, he whips out a photocopied article from The Times of India titled "The Guardian Angel of Tourists," with a photo of himself smack dab in the center. "To hundreds of tourists who come to this city from abroad on a shoe- string budget, meeting Narinder Singh ‘international’ is a blessing...he carries a small writing pad where grateful tourists have showered praise on this good samaritan... and it’s a small paper window to the languages of the world, in hebrew, korean, french, german, japanese, english and in hindi. some have recommended even knighthood for him." i really felt like i was in the presence of a great celebrity--one who was showering me with attention, teaching me hindi words, making sure i knew where i was going. i will never forget how kind he was, with his smile and joking manner, saying, "I am your Indian grandpa, OK?" What an inspirational person, and so representative of India's hospitality. (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/40739486.cms)

the other morning nithin walks into our room at 5:30 am or something mad like that, and tells me that I have to go outside and see the sunrise. i am incredibly confused because to me it already looks like it's light out--and i mumble something and make my way to the top of the house. we are lucky enough to have easy access to our roof. :) beautiful sunrise, the clouds were remarkable.

A Night at the Golden Temple

our most recent weekend trip--Amritsar. last Sunday morning we left at 5:30 am and arrived by 10. i went with kristina, al and victoria, both of which arrived just days before. we stayed for 24 hours, and it was the perfect amount of time to see everything and relax for a bit. it was crazy hot that day, maybe the hottest i've experienced in india! the travel company was great, we saw tons, and it made me realize how long i've been here. traveling with new people throws it in your how much you've learned--how to bargain, how to give directions (i put words together! i knew how to say "straight" and "a little"--so can you believe that i communicated to our auto driver that we needed to go a little farther forward?!), what to eat, how to deal with people staring at you...

the people of Amritsar LOVE foreigners. i spoke to pauline about this, and she agrees--for some reason, they are even more receptive of foreigners than the usual indian, who is already quite friendly. it was CONSTANT smiles and handshaking and people asking to have their photo taken with us, and (my favorite) people handing you their babies (to hold, to have their picture taken with you and so on). everywhere we went there were people willing to help us out, recommend places to go, point us in the right direction...

people in line to get into the Golden Temple, the Harmandir Sahib--a Sikh temple (or gurudwara). it is known as one of the oldest ones that exist in india.

The Harmandir Sahib is considered holy by Sikhs because the eternal Guru of Sikhism, the Sri Guru Granth Sahib (the holy literature), is housed in the temple. its construction was intended to build a place of worship for men and women from all religions to come and worship God equally... [Photo taken by Sander--it's a beautiful shot]

Really cute baby.

Jallian Wala Bagh--this memorial commemorates the 2000 Indians who were killed or wounded, shot by the British on April13, 1919 while participating in a peaceful public meeting. this was one of the major incidents of India's freedom struggle.

a guard at the Wagha Border, the one shared by India and Pakistan. we were trying to decide if his hat is made to resemble a fan or a peacock (for the record, Nith claims that female peacocks are called peahens...). i swear he noticed i was taking photos of him and thus he was going for the model pose.

as i said, it was deliriously hot, but we were there for over 2 hours. mainly sitting in the blazing sun. and the actual retrieving of the flags didn't that long at all, just a lot of guards walking funny back and forth and chanting. but it was the atmosphere that was so, so cool--it was punjabi rock concert meets military ceremony. we sat on our side with music blaring, women and teenage girls especially dancing like crazy in front of the crowd, cheering and yelling. on the other side, the pakistanis weren't dancing, i think, but definitely cheering, too. it was like the two sides were competing to see who could be loudest...i did join in on the dancing, it was hilarious--these girls are so into it! what a great way to celebrate a country...

it was jam-packed with people, we met a really nice american med student, and a TON of israelis. we sat in the VIP/foreigner section, which was rather amusing in and of itself.

this is the silver temple, a hindu temple also in amristar. very beautiful as well, and there was also music playing inside, loads of flowers and sweet offerings and lights, children running around, singing. i kept on thinking about how this is how religion should be-joyful, celebratory, full of gratitude and exaltation, not guilt and pressure and compensation.

we spent the night at the golden temple...which was definitely memorable. there are hundreds sleeping on the floor, entire families. we slept at midnight, and at 2 am they woke us up to offer rose-scented water. i think a bit later, we had to pick up and move because they were washing down the spot where we were--prayers started at that point, playing over the speakers. then at 4:40 am, one of the Sikh men in full garb (spear included) woke us up again. it was crazy, but there was already a huge line formed outside the temple.

money shot!! (hah, no pun intended, since it is covered in gold) the inside of the temple was really beautiful as well (i feel like im overusing words like beautiful, unbelievable, amazing...), but the reflection really makes it so unique compared to other temples. and cool at night due to the breeze and the water--which counts for a lot in india.

day camp

a different kind of camp than the one us ex-girl-and-boy-scouts are used to, but still lots to do and see...i've described the agp camps already in another entry, but i wanted to include some of the most recent shots i took at them.

natural lighting wins. it ended up with such a red glow, but i really like the contrast of the red tones and her blue salwar suit.

concentrating--especially the girl in the middle, her eyes are so intense.

we interviewed this young mother before we knew she would be in the camp. i honestly think she is one of the most beautiful women i have ever seen--just an incredible smile and it is so evident that she absolutely adores her (adorable) baby girl.

because the camp was held at a school, there were always kids running about. im not nearly as exciting as, say, our blonde-haired, over 6' friend Sander...but still they find me fun enough as a foreigner. these kids were so great, wanting to know my name and giggling loads.

patient baby, waiting for camp to be over.

another young mother. i think there's such grace in her pose, if a little longing. i'm riveted by some of the emotions written on their faces, and i honestly can spend minutes staring at these pictures, trying to figure out what they're saying.

if you noticed, i said earlier i was leaving at 11 am, and it's already 11:30 am now. it's been raining, yesterday and today, so guess what? both the recruitment drive AND the hiv/aids workshop has been postponed. turns out college students rarely, rarely go to class at all when it rains, so...we would have no audience at either.

cornell has a lot to learn from india. i think if we followed suit, i would maybe go to 5% of my classes...

taj mahal, anyone?

so, i suppose my trip in india would not be complete without the documentation of our visit to the taj mahal in agra. to be honest, i didn't have very high expectations--i never do when it comes to this type of thing. you know its going to be cool--but don't ever count on it being life-changing or anything. but it was, as many say, breathtaking and beautiful, and i definitely was at a loss of words for how incredible it was.

it was also an awesome, awesome weekend because my friend kristina and i met up with mitch, teju and amy, friends who are working in chennai for the summer building up an NGO called the shared element. ah--i cant stop telling people how amazing their work is. we had such a great time, messing around, doing cartwheels at the taj, eating mangoes on our rooftop, meeting people, wandering about...

our first view of the taj mahal from the agra fort. there is a ridiculous amount of history and stories and intrigue when it comes to this place and the people who lived there. like sons locking up their fathers (who happen to be emperors...), overthrowing each other, etc. and so on...

also at agra fort. as our tour guide akash described it to us, this one garden encompasses the three great loves of the mughal emperors--also known as the 3 'W's: wine (they grew grapes here), walls (the fantastic architecture), and women (you are viewing the remnants of an ancient brothel). i laughed for quite a while when he told us this...

ta-dah!! we went in the afternoon, and it was packed--right up until it closed. ok, yeah, it peeved me that the foreigner rate is 750 Rs and the Indian rate is like 20...but it was, of course, worth it. i wasn't so taken by the size or the value of the marble and all the semi-precious stones inlaid into it as much as i was impressed by the time, effort, detail, concision, and thought put into it. It combines Persian, Turkish, Indian and Islamic architectural styles--I wasn't expecting to see Arabic all over the Taj, but it was gorgeous. The building and surroundings are perfectly symmetrical...perfectly.

Amy, I hope you're not going to sue me for this, but I'm going to quote you here because you did the best job ever summarizing the best parts of the taj. here, to be super clear, this was written by amy jackson, one of the most lovely people i've ever met, with (truly) the voice of an angel and a personality to match:

"There's perfect symmetry over the entire 5-acre plot or however big it is, and the domes are mathematically perfect, and the minarets lean outward just enough to not destroy the center in event of an earthquake, and there are optical illusions in the stonework (PS, we got to visit the workshop of the guys whose great-great-400-years-and-fourteen- generations-ago-great grandfathers did the original stonework... they're not only still doing that stone inlay work, they're still using the same mortar recipe!) and the garden is laid out according to some Quoranic passage..."

We saw the Taj...yes we did! Hooray! (And Happy 21st Birthday, Mitch!!)

This is on one side of the Taj, a mosque I believe (the other side is the exactly the same, but instead it's a guest house). We made a huge effort to be there at sunset, and it was well, well worth it. I think we spent at least an hour just sitting out by the building, admiring every aspect of it possible.

the next day we took a short detour to Fatehpur Sikri, the abandoned capitol of king akbar. but due to water shortages, they only lived there for less than 10 years before shifting to agra fort. the architecture itself resembled agra fort and the red fort in delhi, so it wasn't that exciting. but the ruins like this one were unbelievable, you could explore every turn and corner to your heart's content (while being careful of some crazy drop-offs). you can see my friend kristina on the upper right hand corner, as tiny as she is!

curent news july 24, 2008

i hate to say it, but i've been rather out of the loop with world news lately. but last week i somehow found myself indirectly entangled in local news here in chandigarh...
i spent the other night at my friend megha's house (oh, to be spoiled by a home!), and in the am i took a peek at the paper.
last wednesday, we were supposed to go to ramdarbar to meet with more teachers for the survey. but my boss called us last minute, literally minutes before i was going to leave the house, and told us to meet her in a different sector for a presentation. my co-worker and i were rather surprised to show up, and to find ourselves in the midst of a political rally.

my boss recently joined the BJP party, the opposite party to the dominant one, the Congress. BJP is a religious conservative political organisation and sees itself as rising to the defense of Indian culture, and Indian religious systems which include Hinduism, Jainism, Sikhism, and Buddhism. Most of my friends and their families belong to the Congress, so all i know about the BJP is more negative than positive. But it does sound like the BJP is hoping to rise up in the near future, and gain control of the Indian government in the next round of elections. (i'm cautious to make comments about the politics of a country I barely know...but this seems like a reasonable statement to make about any political party anywhere) the photo above shows the end of the rally's march, as the police had blocked off the street with that bus. it was pretty amusing to see so many photojournalists perched on top, trying to get the best shot.

anyways, i was frustrated by the fact that our work day had been interrupted due to my boss' personal political leanings. it would have been one thing if she informed me about it, and offered it as a cultural experience (later, that's how she justified it--that it was for me to "see an indian rally")--i'm sure i would have been more than eager to go. but i felt misled and used, for her to utilize her leverage as a leader in an organization to increase attendance numbers for her rally. in general, i had qualms about marching with a group when i knew nothing about what it stood for and what they were fighting. the brief explanation i got from my boss was biased, to say the least, and summarized as "the current government is corrupt." so informative.
it was peaceable, though they did burn an effigy of the prime minister in protest of how the Congress has been running, the rise in inflation, money laundering, and vote scams. (you can clearly see my boss in this photo in the paper)

lower on the same page, there was an announcement about the opening day of our AGP camp! the mayor rolled up in his jeep at the ceremony and stayed for a bit. i think it's funny how casual these events are, but made to be such a big deal. as in, he and the chairwoman of the social welfare board both showed up late, but everyone interrupted the speakers mid-sentence at that moment to welcome the officials. they were then offered coke and strings of marigolds (i think...orange?) for respect...even though they had casually sauntered in 30, 45 minutes late. which is totally acceptable here.

and lastly, this article was front and center, as you can see, on the first page. a tragic story, but not uncommon. a father and brother of a 17 year old murdered their daughter and sister for being pregnant, after she refused to name the father of the baby (the family planned to marry them). it's heartbreaking and unbelievable that a family member could do this--they first hit her with a rock before strangling her with her dupatta, the scarf that women wear with their suits. they then tried to throw acid on her face to conceal the crime and tried to give the impression of rape by untying her pants. the police filed it as an "honor killing."

the father gave the statement, "Why should I repent? I killed her to save my family's honor. I deliberately drank heavily on the night of the incident to ensure that I did not hesitate while committing the murder."

again, think about the us--the extreme, extreme differences. think about juno, how popular and socially accepted that movie was, showcasing a young, sassy teenage girl making her way through her out-of-wedlock pregnancy with the love and guidance of her parents and friends. it's an entirely different world here, where the roles and expectations of girls still hold to strict and fast rules. where one mistake could not only ruin your life, but end it.

edu illustrated

good morning,
prepare for another string of entries--these will be fun though since they're all based off of photos i've been meaning to post. i lost the cord that connects the camera to the computer, so i got all 1400 some photos put on a dvd, and then went through them to see which to show you.
no work yesterday or today (besides writing/research on my own). my boss' brother-in-law passed away, so everything's been on hold. today i was supposed to head off to one of the colleges to help promote AIESEC (we're in the midst of recruitments), but that was postponed. around 11 am, i'll be heading off to run an HIV/AIDS workshop with some @ers, but that's still 2 hours away...
so! 7 entries (count 'em)...here we go.
it has been really awesome to see signs and posters that illustrate the effort, time, and money india is putting into education, especially for girls. these two were both taken at the school where the ramdarbar AGP camp was held.

like you would ever, ever see a sign in the US that said, "a girl child is nation's pride"--not just because it's a grammatically incorrect sentence--but because i'm sure some parent or teacher would claim it as sexism and change it to "every child is the nation's pride" or something like that. it's like the bus seats for ladies only--if you look at it one way, it seems to be favoring women over men, girls over boys. but you have to look at the history, the background, and what has led us to the point of having to make these changes and adjustments and compensations. it also made me very excited to see the attendance count for girls v. boys. in a country where female literacy is around 42% and male literacy is closer to 65%, it's encouraging to see that girls are indeed getting attention and finding their way to school.

this is the program i mentioned in an earlier entry--the topic of a paper i wrote in may for the violence against women (vaw) course. in hindi it means "education for all." The programme aims to achieve the goal of universalization of elementary education of satisfactory quality by 2010. as i said, i've heard mixed reviews about it, and i'm sure both sides of the fence are correct to some degree. it's just so freaking cool to see something like this, after spending hours and weeks reading articles about it, seeing the logo online, looking up stats and numbers. but this? it's real.

showdown: arranged v. love marriages

this is probably one of the most startling differences between indian and american culture: arranged marriages. ive had some really amazing discussions about it with everyone here--@ers, the women we work with, the other trainees...i think especially to us foreigners, its so far removed from what we know and see and experience.
i cant even count how many times ive been asked if my parents will arrange my marriage for me. and even more so, the number of shocked faces i see when i explain that it is not really that common at all in the US--unless you come from some other country. and even then, us first-generation americans with ancestries of arranged marriages (my grandparents had one), most likely will opt for "love marriages" this day and age.
i am not sure on the stats at all, but to me it seems like arranged marriages are still incredibly common, definitely in the lower class, and even in the middler and upper class, too. that's just been my perception, from the people i've met and talked to.

a couple days ago on the bus i met a law college lecturer, a 30 year old woman named dimple. we practically connected as soon as she sat down, and spent the 30 minute ride talking about the legal stance on domestic violence, how women are treated, what rights they do and do not have. i have her contact info, so i plan to speak with her again about all of these aspects of advocacy.
but what will stick in my head is how free she is, how confident and successful she is as an individual. she is unmarried, and quite proud of that fact, even though her parents are currently looking for a match for her. as she put it, "there's one scientist who studied in australia...another in the US right now, and a few more in india...he needs to have a solid career. i've worked hard for mine, and i deserve an equal in that respect, right?" i told her it kind of sounded like she was husband-shopping, and she laughed and wholeheartedly agreed. but she made it clear that in her case, she'll pick the one in the end--her parents will have a say, and they can give suggestions, but the choice is hers.

in the slums, that's less common...we've heard of stories of girls as young as 9 or 10 being married off by their grandfathers because their families don't want to or can't take care of them anymore. the most common age is easily before 21. this is a stark contrast from the educated class, like one woman i work with. she's 25, and its clear that she'll have the time to first build up her career before she'll get matched by her parents, when she's in her late twenties or early 30's.

a male friend here, my age, made it really clear in one discussion that he will marry the woman his parents choose for him, even if he fell in love with another. i tried to push him a little on this to evaluate what that would mean, the kind of marriage you would have marrying one woman when you, at least emotionally, were invested in another. somehow, by the end of our talk--the question seemed kind of silly. it's a matter of respect for your parents, for tradition--and it's a matter of learning to love the one you marry, not marrying the one you love.

i've heard such interesting reasons as to why it's better than love marriages--in fact, that it's the only way a marriage can be successful. granted, i am no expert on this (and wont be for quite a while!), but its really fascinating.

here are some:
1. when you go into an arranged marriage, you know relatively little about the person's habits and details of how they go about life, compared to someone you've dated for some time. because of this, you have less expectations going into the marriage, and thus you are more willing to accept their weaknesses.
2. the families are compatible. when you marry a person, it's not just them you're marrying, but their entire family. this ensures that the families will get along (or more so than love marriages).
3. money is a major factor in marital disputes. so, by matching the socioeconomic statuses of the bride and groom, the likelihood of fighting over money is reduced.
4. some study has shown that the most successful and satisfying marriages result from introductions made by, first, family members and, second, friends...not some person you meet maybe randomly or you seek out yourself. (i'm always weary of reasoning that starts with, "some study says..." but i thought i might as well be all-inclusive)
5. love can be blind. when you're young and in love and all those things, you have a tendency to not see the complete picture and to only focus on the novelty of love and romance.
6. love marriages focus on the now; arranged marriages focus on the future.

the other day i was at a friend's house reading a magazine, one of those inserts that comes with the paper with music reviews, local shows and plays, etc. this one also included an article on ensuring a solid future marriage.
in the corner of the page there was a box titled, "MUST ASK QUESTIONS."

(on the left column) GIRL to boy:
1. Where are we going to stay after marriage? If in a joint family...forever, or only for the initial few years?
2. Are there any servants to clean dishes, wash clothes, cook, sweep and mop etc?
3. Do I have the freedom of choice to work? Will I 'have' to work?
4. What are your views on starting a family? When? How many? Any insistence on a girl/boy child?
5. How often can I visit my parents? Will there be any restriction visiting them or my friends?
(on the right column) BOY to girl:
1. How often am I expected to visit your parents? How do you relate to your parents/siblings?
2. Do you (from your income) or we (as a couple) need to support your parents/siblings?
3. What are your views on starting a family? When? How many? Any insistence on a girl/boy child?
4. Do you like to go out/travel with friends or only as a couple?
5. What will I refer to you as? How will I refer to your parents and other relatives?
(Source: Heart to Heart Counseling Centre)

ok, some of these are pretty standard universal marriage questions--children, supporting in-laws--you would see this in a US magazine article, i'm sure. but to me it's almost comical the differences--the woman should ask if she'll have the freedom to work, to see her family and friends. and the guy has the oh so important question if trips to the movie theatre will only include the two of them, or a few friends as well...and really, what will he call her and her brother and her second cousin and her uncle's wife's great-aunt?
ok, fine, it's not as comical to me as it is aggravating...

moving on...

On July 15, I did 21 interviews.
19 of the women were married.
18 had arranged marriages (the one who didn't had a "love-cum-arranged" marriage).
this takes us to the age factor...

Out of the 21, the number of women married at this age:
23: 1
20: 4
19: 4
18: 3
17: 1
16: 2
15: 1
14: 2
13: 1

do the math. just about half of them married between the ages of 18-20. and half married under the age of 20. um, i'm turning 20 in, like, a month...

I could not get this out of my head for days--Richika, age 20, with a 1 year old son, or Rahana at 25, with 2 children. the next day was even a greater shock, when we interviewed Suman, a 20 year old who has been married for 9 years, mother of two, an 8 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. its incomparable, my life and theirs, but you do it anyways, imagining how someone who has been on this world as long as you can possibly experience such, such a different life. we did an entire section on child brides and arranged marriages in my violence against women class--but it's so different to sit in front of one, and see their face, the infant in their arms. no 9 year old can make a choice about who she marries and when she'll have children and where she will be. for Suman, her life was determined for her when she didn't even know what it would entail.

but times are indeed changing. we've interviewed over 20 unmarried girls in ramdarbar, all around the ages of 19-21, and most of them make it clear that they don't plan to marry for another 3-5 years. and when we speak with the older women, the mothers of these girls, they see the faults in young marriages, and they understand the value of education now and married life later.

and maybe by then, the "must ask questions" will hopefully experience some change, too.